Scooter Saga

It's been a long 10 months since Earl's bicycle accident on the highway in Maui*.  The accident affected him in w ays other than the physical injuries.  Not that we needed another lesson on how life can turn on a dime, but I thought we had that one down.  Little did we know, there was more for us to learn.  Where I've had almost 15 years to adjust to disability, this was a foreign experience for him.   Making the adjustment from caregiver to an injured person was hard.  Earl had spent the last decade being my primary caregiver  and felt bad about not being able to that.   Tammy: "Like you did this on purpose?  Last I heard, you were going for a bike ride and minding your own business." My experience with disabilities ended up being fortuitous.  Having different deficits made the tag team approach to tasks more doable – pathetic looking, but doable.  Being wheelchair bound and no longer concerned about balance whe...

Earl and I had to face it.  We were in the seventyish–ish group when our parts start complaining *.  Having Ataxia for a while, I had become accustomed to dealing with 'body malfunctions'.  Not that I always take things in stride, but I usually accept a certain level of inevitability.  When Earl began having pain in his hip, it was a totally new experience to him.  As the progressive discomfort started impinging on a lifelong active lifestyle, he was open to a corrective intervention.  X–rays predictably confirmed that one hip needed replacement surgery.  Anticipated, but somewhat complicated by his caregiving responsibilities.   He was going to be temporarily out of commission and not available to me.  Of course, it is all about me. In and out 14 hours  Fortunately, he had surgery and went home later that day.  Jason was the designated caregiver.  Where was I?  Granted, having a disability and bei...

As I said in an earlier blog, Earl and I can be soldiers but, truth be told, we prefer to be generals—not very compatible with a smooth transition to retirement*.  Leaving the hospital means that he's going from an environment where he was used to being in charge (operating room) , to home where I'm used to being in charge.  Fortunately, he's accustomed to a nurse managing his schedule, but in a hospital setting, a surgeon is at the top of the food chain.  Earl and I are anticipating changes in our routine come April, but there's more to it than that.  No location or function needs two CEOs, so we found ourselves in search of a less redundant, non–violent solution.  We also needed to own up to our inherent 'do it my way' natures.  Earl and I are happy the house is mostly shared space–we prefer it that way. A home is a joint responsibility, and ours always has been.  One of the more distressing aspects of being disabled, is how traditional ...

The doc and the doll "Are you still working?"  Earl hears that from colleagues on a regular basis.  His answer is "Yes, three days a week.  Starting February 1, 2015,  I'll move to two days a week." April 1, 2015, he's officially retiring—sort of.  He may occasionally assist on cases, but he's done being the primary surgeon in the operating room.  April 1 is a bit later than his original date of June 2014, but no one believed that anyway*.  A year ago, retirement seemed premature. But it sounds more and more appealing to him as time goes by. One of his co–workers, who loves Halloween, created an 'Earl' doll for the occasion.  It was complete with surgical hat, prominent forehead, vascular loops, lab coat, big heart, and big nose on a lean frame.  That's my guy. I'm a bit apprehensive, but mostly admiring of Earl's gradual transition toward retirement*.   Ending a rewarding career must seem scary initially, but he has ...

Biking in the Pyranees Mountains between Spain and France!  Over many of the famous Cols (mountain passes) in the Tour de France 2014 route with more than 38,000 feet of elevation!  A bucket list trip... For Earl.   Certainly, my ataxia/limited mobility was a big issue, but even in my able–bodied biking days, this trip would never have made it into my bucket.  The keyword here is E-L-E-V-A-T-I-O-N.  Great for biker Earl, but it held zero appeal to me–for several reasons.  None the less, I didn't want to rain on his parade. "How exciting!" I honestly enthused, "It sounds like a trip of a lifetime!  Bye and have a great time." The reality was, it was our first long term (2 weeks) separation since identifying myself as disabled.  I could cope with missing Earl and his 'aroundness'. While I look forward to periodic solitude, having someone available in the event of an incident has been reassuring.  My search for a reasonable plan beg...

Earl lives in mortal fear of the day in June 2014 when he retires and has to share my routine and high–speed computer bandwidth.   Most people look forward to that time.  We have friends and family who love working or doing projects together—we're just not good at it.  We are a close couple.  But unfortunately, we are two generals with no soldiers. That means that often there is a power struggle and nothing gets resolved or done efficiently.  It just works better if we go to our corners and stay independent of each other. I remember hearing a quote about married couples, "For better or worse, but not for lunch".  I get it, but still look forward to lunch with Earl–he buys or cooks. Images of the "Bickersons" comes to mind, but we're not– really we're not .  Aside from loving and liking each other, we are not fighters by nature.  In fact, we both would go out of our way to avoid confrontation (not necessarily a good thing) .  ...

When you have disabilities, a sense of humor is important. I wasn't in the habit of laughing during intimate moments with my spouse.  Now that it's essential, more's the pity.  Given a choice of looking at sex as amusing or pathetic, I'll go with amusing. So many issues conspire to make one gravitate toward celibacy. Ataxia often has overwhelming fatigue as a symptom and I would have to say, that's a big one. Although I don't have small children, a schedule or work stresses, I do need my daily nap. I've come to appreciate the benefits of good sleep, so "dead to the world" best describes me after 9 p.m. When Earl comes to bed, I'm usually already asleep—even though it's 9:15 p.m.  There's one of the issues–but then, I have to be honest and admit it always has been. The good news is, I don't have to deal with pain; I'm not certain I could cope with that. The bad news is, we're in our sixties and our parts don't mo...