Honey, I'm home

Earl lives in mortal fear of the day in June 2014 when he retires and has to share my routine and high–speed computer bandwidth.   Most people look forward to that time.  We have friends and family who love working or doing projects together—we're just not good at it.  We are a close couple.  But unfortunately, we are two generals with no soldiers. That means that often there is a power struggle and nothing gets resolved or done efficiently.  It just works better if we go to our corners and stay independent of each other.
I remember hearing a quote about married couples, "For better or worse, but not for lunch".  I get it, but still look forward to lunch with Earl–he buys or cooks.

Images of the "Bickersons" comes to mind, but we're not–really we're not.  Aside from loving and liking each other, we are not fighters by nature.  In fact, we both would go out of our way to avoid confrontation (not necessarily a good thing).  We've come to know, when I say, "fine"–it's not and when he says "interesting"–it's not.  Non–verbal expressions, sniping and snarking are more my style while Earl favors being passive–aggressive, but that's not common.  Most of the time, he shops and cooks (who wouldn't love that?).  I clean while propped up and wouldn't dream of asking a question during a football game.  Generally, I can distinguish a reminder from a nag.  We've come to a workable compromise on night time temperature without slamming windows or camping in front of the thermostat.  We haven't killed each other and life has been fair and balanced for most of our 43 years.  So, I couldn't figure out why, when I eagerly anticipated Earl coming home and being around, I still looked forward to my solitude.  

Earl: "I'll be late tonight" he says on the phone.
Me: "OK", I say as I head to bed with a book and a glass of wine.

Earl: "I'm going on a bike ride with Jason."
Me: "OK", trying to look sad. (he doesn't buy that)
 
Earl: "I have a brief business trip next month."
Me: "OK", trying to look empathetic. (he doesn't buy that either).

In all fairness, we don't have small children nor am I disabled to the point of needing a full time caregiver.  That would be different; I can afford to be agreeable because:
–Absence is an infrequent thing.  Twenty-four/seven solitude would suck.  I would miss his "aroundness". 
–I have family, friends and neighbors (a village) who would be there in a minute, if I needed help.
–Earl enjoys his solitude as well.  
 
They say it's important to have at least five things to do before retiring (providing the objective is to remain in a relationship).  I think Earl's heading in the right direction.
1. Earl loves exercise.  He has walking, biking and hiking friends.  They may be female, but they're also my friends and I'm bigger and meaner.

2. Earl wants to relearn piano.  He and grand daughter Sarah take weekly lessons together.

3. We have four grand children who love to do pretty much anything with him.

4. Earl grows dahlias and herbs.  He is gravitating away from his "survival of the fittest" philosophy toward green things that come up from the ground.

5. Earl loves medical research and developing medical products.  He'll continue with that.

6. Earl is my caregiver.  We both know it will become a bigger issue over time. 

The lesson:  I know I should feel what's mine is his, but what's mine is mine.  If the time ever comes that Earl needs an assistive device, he'll have to get his own.  I won't share Skeeter.