The Uphill Climb

It's been a long 10 months since Earl's bicycle accident on the highway in Maui*.  The accident affected him in ways other than the physical injuries.  Not that we needed another lesson on how life can turn on a dime, but I thought we had that one down.  Little did we know, there was more for us to learn.  Where I've had almost 15 years to adjust to disability, this was a foreign experience for him.  Making the adjustment from caregiver to an injured person was hard.  Earl had spent the last decade being my primary caregiver  and felt bad about not being able to that.  
Tammy: "Like you did this on purpose?  Last I heard, you were going for a bike ride and minding your own business."

 My experience with disabilities ended up being fortuitous.  Having different deficits made the tag team approach to tasks more doable – pathetic looking, but doable.  Being wheelchair bound and no longer concerned about balance when seated, made it easier for me to transport things.  Having use of my feet and a wheelchair made it faster to "scuttle and fetch".  I had been having my helper Sandie coming for a couple of hours twice a week for more than eight years *.  She was able to increase her hours for a time now that she had two helpees.

 I've always believed that it does take a village **.  Never more so than now.  Our son had to fly to Maui from a business trip to Sweden and care for his father in the early days after the accident.  A week later, he was able to help us get home.  Couldn't have navigated an airplane without him***.  

 We're also lucky to have Jack, an international student living with us****.  He picked us up at the airport and did the sort of heavy lifting that Earl couldn't do.  Although we never required emergency care, it was reassuring to have another person in the house. He could also load Skeeter in the car.  I could still scoot out of the garage, but I needed lifting that I could no longer expect from Earl.  Family shopped for us and our granddaughter protectively accompanied her grandfather on his first ventures to the grocery store.  What do village–less people do?

 Friends provided us with delivered meals since the family chef was out of commission.  Our niece, nephew and friends provided transportation since the family chauffeur was also out of commission.  People often think "loss of consortium" is only sexual, but we can deal with that. It became evident to everyone how much Earl does and how significant he is in my daily life.

 Being a "data" guy, Earl started to keep a journal on his smartphone.  That gave him something to do during his sleepless nights.  He knew better than to expect sparkling conversation from me.  More importantly, he was able to include his feelings with objective information.  Whenever he felt there was no progress, he could refer back and realize that, albeit slow, there was some healing going on.  I remembered my sister-in-law had recommended that I start journaling to deal with my emotions at the onset of my ataxia.  I had forgotten that my blog had started with that.  

 As a cyclist, Earl had no shortage of cycling buddies with their own 'accident tales' and lessons.  That informal support group was no small deal and became a critical part of his rehabilitation.  As empathetic as everyone was, it was the fellow bikers who really understood the PTSD that haunts the bicycle rider. and could crop up when it was completely unexpected.  

The lesson: It's hard to be disabled, however temporary and whatever the cause, it's easier to give care than receive it.

 *Previous post:  The Help
**Previous post:  Where's My Village?
***Previous post:  The Maui Event
****Previous post:  Family Vacation 2017–The waters of Central Oregon




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

We have contact

Image
Skeeter alerted me to an eyesight problem when I realized there were times when I had to navigate precisely while scooting.  I found myself dealing with my deliberate mono–vision by closing one eye in order to gauge available distance.  How much space was between Earl's car and my car, and between the telephone pole and the edge of the sidewalk?  How much asphalt before the road dropped off into dirt?  It was like my old "contact lens" days when one lens isn't in–blurry around the edge (not exactly double vision) .  Hmm, cataracts (at that time in life) , diminishing acuity (OK,  predictable... ) , Ataxia (a typical symptom for some people) ? Around 1993, I had radial keratotomy (RK) after years of wearing contact lenses or coke bottle glasses for being legally blind.  The surgeons gave me one eye for reading and one for distance (mono–vision) .  It was a good solution for someone in the 40s.  But, as I aged, the difference between the eyes was too significant.
Read more

Resume and Update

Image
It's been almost a year since I last blogged. I'd like to think that I was busy, but in fact, I was just too lazy and got overwhelmed at the thought of writing. The other issue is that not a whole lot new has happened and when friends would say, "You haven't blogged in a while," I just nodded my head and stared blankly. I thought maybe it was time to retire the blog and move on.  I mean-- geez! I started this in 2011. There are nearly 200 posts, two thirds of them after publishing my book.  How much blabbing can a person do?  However, the prospect of not being able to blab was just too much to deal with. So, I decided to dig in and update some old posts-- like, "Whatever happened to...?" or "w hatever happened after...?". Going through old posts was rewarding. I discovered that being honest has paid off in that most of my old observations were still valid.  I was relieved to know that there were few instances of "I wish I hadn't said t
Read more

East Coast Roadtrip

Image
East Coast Fall foliage It had been more than two years since we had ventured on our first roadtrip*.  It was time to move from using a walker to a wheelchair.  That was a particularly difficult humiliation bullet to bite.  I thought I had accepted the inevitability of progression, but I found myself whining, "No-o-o-o!"  Was this the end of the road before absolute immobility? Were my traveling days over?  More importantly, would I strain Earl's back and were my scooting days over? 😱 As with previous transitions, logic and practicality won out.  I was so freakin' slow with a walker. I didn't appreciate how frightening my precarious balance was to others.  Finally, I knew an injury was the bigger personal threat and was to be avoided at all costs.  Thelma and Louise ** became a permanent part of my next chapter.  Wheelchair use gave me greater mobility and freedom than I had expected.  It didn't impact my travel, scooting, and I didn't "
Read more