The Boys
Full disclosure: Heidi's and my ataxia aside, this is a traditional, financially solvent household (that is no small deal). We are two women married to two working, salaried men who leave the house before 8 am and usually return before 6 pm. That said, the marriages have historically been fairly equitable. Both men shop, clean, cook and take direction. Actually, Michael does more cleaning; Earl does more cooking.
Heidi and Michael have been together 20 years. Getting to housemate know another person (even a son-in-law) is the more salient issue. Even though we've known him for 20 years, since the Tenison household merged with us, I have learned that Michael offers few opinions, and those that he does are often non-verbal. Lest you thought it was just a feminine thing, he is a master of 'the look'; I've come to believe 'the look' has no gender boundaries. He uses his morning mocha and shower to wake up. Prior to that, he would prefer to 1) not verbalize at all or 2) restrict communication to single words, humphs, and grunts. His smartphone is his primary 'stay in touch' mechanism, research data source, and morning newspaper.Whenever Heidi is posed a 'What is it?' or 'Is it possible to...?' or 'Who was that...' question, she points to Michael, saying, "I have an app for that." Earl and I refer to him as 'The Geek in Residence'. When Sarah and Kyle have a technology crisis, he's the device troubleshooter. He also shares a character trait with Earl and Jason that I value; he is honest in whatever he says. However, there is a lot they just think and don't verbalize. For a spouse wanting feedback, you have to make a decision; look for a non–verbal, pursue the discussion, or let it go.* I don't know about Heidi and Elizabeth, but typical of a confrontation avoider, I usually let it go.
What would Michael do differently in his own home? He'd fix more things. He checks with us first, but Earl and I are usually happy to have someone else fix anything. Micheal would have his own garage to park in. It's not a big deal now, but it likely will be when winter comes. Tough, we can't do anything about our garage or the weather.
Like everyone else, Earl would agree that this living arrangement is working well. One of the more noticeable changes is in our routine. Our friend had said that was an adjustment for she and her husband. But as she found, it's more of a plus to older people prone to getting stuck in their ways.** Another household change is in his domain. He never knows where things will be when he goes into the pantry or kitchen. As Heidi and I consolidate and reorganize, we move things around. We also have differing views of the concept of "use by date". The Tenison family discards expired food. Earl and I have a reputation of being a bit lax in that regard. We had spices older than our youngest grandchild that Heidi convinced me really should go.
One Modern Family TV episode, had Clair trying to explain to Haley, her 18 year old daughter, why she had to wake up and show her mother how to use the TV remote rather than ask Phil, her husband, for the second time. "Because we're married", Clair stated. Three simple words and I'm guessing millions of wives across the nation got it.The lesson: Spoiler alert. Women and men are different. But then, Earl and Michael are different. Come to think of it, Heidi and I are different...
*Previous post: Intent, Not Content
**Previous post: The Multi-Generational Household
I believe some of your spices are older than your OLDEST grandchild!
ReplyDeleteHa, ha. You're probably right.
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