Adjusting To The One Generational Household

The Tenison family moved to their new home this week. They are happy campers and so are we–sort of.  We love that our children and their families choose to boomerang back during transitions.  Certainly, we've learned that this house is accommodating and spacious enough to be comfortably multi–generational*.  But, it's always the same—balancing our enthusiasm for a 'new life adventure' with relearning how to be 'empty nesters' again.  When asked how Earl and I were doing with the Tenison family in their own home, we would say "fine, great".  That was true, to be sure, but it also had some downsides.

The Tenison Home

Life will be much simpler for the housekeepers and Sandie.**  Working in a single house with two individual routines couldn't have been easy.  Initially, it was just Heidi and me during the day.  Then Earl retired and there were 3 generals*** on the premises. It's not that we were three warring camps, just different camps.  But Heidi and I got spoiled living under one roof.  It always felt like more help.

Sharing the TV was easy, as Earl and I would most often be retiring for the evening about the time Heidi and Michael settled down to have popcorn and watch their favorite recorded shows.  The hazards came when one of us would accidentally delete a show that hadn't been viewed yet.  We got so nervous about premature deletion, that the DVR filled up with old shows everyone had viewed.  Just when we were getting into the etiquette of DVR sharing, they moved.  Now, there's no one to talk to about my favorite sit-coms.  However, Earl is watching Outlander with me and not rolling his eyes.

Anybody home?

Our house is so quiet in the morning.  No coffee machine sounds, no footsteps on the stairs, no drama getting ready for the day.  We can play music whenever we want, at whatever volume we want.  But the house is so quiet and vacant...

On Monday, I opened the garage door to get the Prius out and meet friends for breakfast.  There were no extra cars to avoid.  Since Earl and I decided be a one–car family, he had sold his vehicle the same weekend of the move.  Just knowing I hadn't backed into, sideswiped, or scratched Earl's, Heidi's, or Michael's car during their residence, was a huge relief.  There was no downside to that.

Getting into my laundry room with my walker was easier when it no longer doubled as the Tenison mudroom.  I didn't have to navigate over boots, tennis shoes, backpacks, and soccer gear.  Heidi and I didn't have to balance our laundry needs with the hot water supply any more.  But I had lost my laundry helpers.****

The kitchen, refrigerator, freezer, and the pantry were all ours now.  Earl and I needed to negotiate our domains.  He deserved to be the general, but I had learned some placement ideas from Heidi.  I would tolerate multiple inconveniences, whereas she would not.  On the other hand, he is the one who operates (pardon the pun) in the kitchen and pantry most often.  This is going to take some thought.

When Heidi and Jason left for college, I found myself crying for no reason.  Stimulating a 'Tammy boo-hoo' is easy, ask anyone who knows me.  It's a real low bar. The family has learned to just ignore my tears.  I'll open the garage and cry, open the refrigerator and cry, walk into the laundry room and cry—oy!  Takes me back to the 90's, with college–bound children.  We knew this move was coming. Heidi and Michael's house finished on schedule and is everything they wanted. Sarah and Kyle are happy to be back in their neighborhood, close to their friends, and have their own bedrooms.  But we miss their 'aroundness'.  Drama, noise, and chaos are so underrated.

Heidi

It was fun (at least for me) on moving day watching the entire family share the burden.  Michael rented a u-Haul truck and with Earl and Jason's help, loaded the heavy things, then unloading at the other end.  Kyle had decided having his paternal grandparents to himself sounded like way more fun than moving, so he left. Sarah, Zoe, and Lexi were happy to be the moving minions, saving the adults from several unnecessary trips up and down the stairs to fetch items. Heidi and Elizabeth packed and loaded the rest of the household.  The whole move, u-Haul pickup to return, was accomplished efficiently in less than five hours.  What did I do?  Stayed in the bedroom and texted Heidi.

Tammy: I don't mean to be rude, but it seemed like there were enough bodies.  Text me if I can do anything useful.

Heidi: U r not rude. Just being strategic about your location. 

Tammy: I'll go with that.

The lesson:  Earl and I, empty-nesters for the 4th time, are ready for the next return.  We have faith that it will happen again sometime in the future.

Stay tuned for Heidi's update.

*Previous post:  The Multi–Generational Household
**Previous post:  Merging Households
***Previous post:  General or Soldier?
****Previous post:  Helpful Grandchildren